Five agencies have received their accreditation certificates. I'm trying so hard to be happy for the waiting families that now have a green light. But I'm more selfish than that. I want my agency reaccredited. (And, I want Lisa's and Rhonda's agency reaccredited, too.)

This morning I woke up with a good feeling. I don't know why, but I truly thought today would be the day. I was almost sure of it. But, as it has been for months and months, there was no news today. Damn. And here I thought I could start moonlighting on the Psychic Friends Network.

Mr. Inertia (my ex-boyfriend) told me many times that I was too cynical. While I know that's true to a certain extent, if I were a complete cynic I wouldn't be constantly rising with hope and crashing with disappointment. The emotional cycles of this adoption rollercoaster are taking their toll on me. I remember visiting a theme park many moons ago with Bethany, a different ex of mine (who I shall call Stalker McCrazy), and his nutjob roommate who I mistakenly tried to set Bethany up with*. We debated for a moment about going on this coaster where you stand up for the whole ride. After watching its screaming passengers go by and seeing their heads whip about as if attached by string I stated there was no way I'd get on. And yet, here I am today. By my own free will I'm standing on this ride, turning and straining with every piece of news, clutching on to hope for dear life... and there's no end in sight.

There aren't many agencies that work in Peanut's region. Only three from the accredited pool work there. One won't accept me as a client for financial reasons (insert derogatory swear word of choice here), the other two refuse to work with host families. So I'm stuck. Stuck between a red-tape rock and an unaccredited hard place. Frankly, I'm scared to make the switch to another agency anyway. Mine has their faults, but I adore my coordinator and I've developed a comfort level with the agency.

Today I received an email from my agency's Russian program director. Basically it was a lot of words just to say they have no news. (Not unlike this post.) Here's a quote from the non-update:

"In my last email I mentioned that my ability to deal with the stress has been stretched to the maximum. Not any more. I have recovered. I bought a big bouquet of bright yellow roses during my lunch break and I am applauding the MOE for having the courage to sign new licenses."

I'm glad she's feeling better. But what do her bouquet of bright yellow roses have to do with the price of borscht in Russia? And, there should be a law that no-one can mention frivolous purchases to a woman who can't even afford good cat litter.



* Again, sorry about that Bethany. What was I thinking? But the weekend had its purpose. Thanks to Stalker McCrazy's brother you met your DH. Night Ranger rules!