As much as I hate to admit it, my first reaction to this story was worry about how it would affect Peanut's adoption process. How selfish and unfeeling am I? My reaction really concerns me. If I were in my typical state of mind I would have first been concerned for the little boy that had to endure abuse.
I think weathering this adoption process has changed me and I don't think it's for the better.
- Exhibit A. I used to be thoughtful. If a friend wasn't feeling well I'd remember to call and check on them... I'd send out birthday cards in advance of the occasion... I'd ask other people how they were and be thoroughly interested in the answer. More often now I forget events, don't bother to inquire about other's well-being, and talk far too much about myself.
- Exhibit B. I used to be knowledgeable. Ask me what was going on in the world and I'd have an answer and an opinion. Lately my response to intelligent questions has been "Huh?" I now know little to nothing about US current events, but I can tell you the exact date of the last Duma meeting.
Nowadays, I live my life with blinders on. I focus on Peanut's adoption, the Russian media, and my friends who are adopting. Other random pieces of information make their way into my radar from time to time. Then, I spend a while feeling guilty over how neglectful of my friend's and family's interests I can sometimes be. The adoption process has made me selfish. It's an ugly truth and I'm not proud of it, but it's a truth none-the-less.
To my knowledge the most recent abuse story hasn't hit the Russian media yet. My guess is it won't be pretty when it does and I'm afraid of the ramifications the negative press will have. While that fear is justified, it doesn't excuse my lack of instant empathy for the poor child who was abused.
Don't get me wrong, I am concerned for this little boy. I'm saddened that he ended up in such a horrible home when he probably had a rough start to life already. I'm angry someone like that woman could complete an adoption. I'm perplexed that something indicating her abusive nature wasn't uncovered during screening, education, or post-placement. But still, the feeling that takes precedence over everything else is the horror that this story (or the next, or the one after that) might be the straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back and I won't be able to complete the adoption of my son. That truly terrifies me.
So now I'm left feeling guilty over my somewhat callous reaction to the story. I would like to find a way to balance my life and my personality with the adoption process. I'm pleased that I've learned to deal with the stress calmly. (I was a basket case for a while.) Now I need to find a way to avoid having the adoption process consume the best pieces of what makes me -- me.
- a-j-adopt
- Adopting from Russia
- Brown's Journey
- Crazy About Emily
- Do They Have Salsa in China?
- Emma-Bug (password)
- Eva Las Vegas
- Hell & High Water
- Kirsten's Blog
- L&D's Adoption Adventure
- L&J's Leap of Faith
- Listen and Hear
- The Longest Journey
- The Naked Ovary
- The Next Step
- Our Adoption Journey
- Ruby is Coming
- Russian Adoption Diary
- Russian Adoption Dva
- Russian to Noah's Place
- scmountaingirl
- Searching Katja
- Slava Update
- Still Waiting
- T&M's Russian Adoption
- Turnips & Carrots
- Unexpected Miracles
- Viva la Colombia
- Waiting for Nina
- Woods Family Adoption
I also agree on the, "I used to be" statements. Up until about 8 months ago I used to be one of the most reliable people I knew. Now... don't count on me for anything. I don't even count on me for anything.
It is a shame what this process does to seemingly normal people. It turns us all into raving lunatics. At least we can be loony together!
When Sass was born, I lost half of my short term memory. I chalk a lot of that up to lack of sleep, but even beyond that but I definitely am not the attentive friend, daughter, wife that I used to be. I forget a LOT, I don't ask questions, and I know I don't listen as well as I used to.
It's kind of like that saying "Your heart now lives outside of your body" but maybe your brain does a little too. Because no matter what I'm doing, even when I know my kids are safe and sound, even when they are in front of me, my mind is first with them and second on what I'm doing or who I'm talking to.
And when you're adopting, especially when you've had a bumpy ride, your child is 1/2 world away, and well, who can blame you?
(By the way, I have personal experience with you as a friend, and you are neither selfish or inattentive. So there.)
I agree with Bethany, you are just trying to bring your son home in an unstable political environment half a world away. Distraction just comes with the territory.
That story was very sad. I get so angry at adoptive parents who are abusive? Why do they adopt? I don't understand.
Keep the faith, we'll get there :) Amid all of this chaos, we will bring our children home.
We all love you and it's clear to me that this is the time in your life when WE are supposed to call YOU, not the other way around.
You are special and Peanut Pants is lucky to have you as a Mother.
k
Cheesecakes to follow..... :)
Just think of this last year as your Ph.D. or Masters degree in IA... Next year it will be something else. :)
I hope this doesn't affect any of our processes (a bit naive maybe).
Keep hoping and praying ladies.
I would have the same worries if I were in your situation. My main thoughts would be about MY child and how it would affect the adoption. Your neither selfish or unfeeling. Rhonda is so right --"distraction comes with the territory".
I am not really sure how some of these adoptive parents who turn out to be abusive get through the system. It is disturbing.