Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

Ever since learning Peanut is with a foster family I've been afraid. There are just so many unknowns that increase the risk. Constantly hearing that there is no news weighs so heavily on me. But I can't give up. I won't give up.

A friend of mine is faced with a similar "path in the woods." She's choosing to take another path -- a path that's less risky and has more known quantities. She told me her decision a couple weeks ago and I still haven't responded. I feel like the worst friend in the world.

Adoption is so hard and it's such a personal thing. I know that. Her circumstances are somewhat different than mine. I know that. She and her husband are wonderful people -- I love them both. So why can't I bring myself to respond? Why can't I be supportive?

I think in some ways her decision scares me. She's incredibly intelligent, has great instincts, and I have an enormous amount of respect for her. So if she looks at the path I'm choosing and decides it's too treacherous to travel than what type of hell am I in for? Despite all odds, I still firmly believe that I will be able to bring Peanut home. But a nugget of fear remains. What if I'm choosing the wrong path?

I don't have the right to be judgmental just because my friend made a different decision. The logical part of my brain knows this, but I still can't bring myself to contact her. I feel terrible about it.